So I know I’ve only been graduated for a week now but if theres one thing I’m beginning to realize, its that you really don’t know anything about anything until youre done. You don’t know who you are, what you want, or what you need. College is a fantasy world and if you think anything in it is 100% real, I’m sorry to say but you will wake up. Everything changes that day you wake up and its all over. #Depressingpost

first i had a dream last night that it was my wedding day,

and now i just had a dream that i had a baby who i named Felicia.

uh what.

I made it until 12:30 at work last night until all I could think about was vicodin and my bed.

Thank god my co workers are being nice.

Also, thank god for my boyfriend, who bought me flowers twice yesterday, bought my ice cream, and rubbed my feet after work. 

I don’t know what is going on. Maybe because I’m moving in with him, but something has clicked and he is acting different. Attaching “very much”, “so much”, “a lot” to all of his “i love you”s and calling just to tell me while he’s at work. 

i don’t mind one bit.

finally got some vicodin for the pain and i’m feeling muchhh better.

i’m going to try and bartend tonight. going to take a ton of ibuprofens and hope it works. we’re so short staffed, i already feel terrible for having to ditch last night. hopefully i can make it through most of the night but my bosses are already being so nice telling me if i need to leave or take a break during work its just fine.

on the bright side, since my cyst has hemorrhaged it may just take care of itself. dissolve into nothing and be gone in a few days. but that process is going to hurt and i just kind of have to deal with it.

i have another ultra sound for next week and if it happens to grow or doesn’t go away i’ll probably have to have surgery but my gyno is pretty confident it’ll take care of itself. but until then i get to lay on the couch and stay off my feet as much as possible.

ssshhh. don’t tell anyone i’m going to try and work. its probably a dumb idea but i got $200 in my bank account and rent and bills to pay.

wahhh worst timing ever.

next time your doctor tells you you may have an ovarian cyst, just demand the ultra sound right then and there. accept her other treatments for some random ailment but just get he ultrasound to be safe.

if not, next time you’re banging your boyfriend you’ll experience such pain in your uterus that you’ll probably want to crawl into a hole and rip it out yourself. this ain’t just cramps, ladies.

but seriously,

i went to the ER yesterday for this extreme pain i’ve been experiencing post intercourse. i was told by my gyno a week ago it may be a cyst but she ruled it wasn’t.  just a yeast infection.

well after thinking i was pregnant, then that i had some crazy std, then poked, swabbed, proded, probed and stuck with my first ever IV…

turns out i have a big old whopping ruptured cyst. double the size of my ovary just leaking an “unknown fluid” into my body.

when a doctor comes back after FIVE HOURS at the ER and tells you you have a “mass”, you know its been a rough day.

they almost put me straight into surgery but wanted me to see my gyno first. so, thats on the docket today, and who knows…could be in surgery by tomorrow.

this has all been just a crazy situation. it explains so much though, my loss of appetite and weight, my crazy period, being sleepy, my random fevers….

its just all happening so fast and i know its a routine thing but just think of me a little bit because these things sometimes turn into something more and i’d be lying if i didn’t say i was freaking out a little bit right now.